Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
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