i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
Randomize
