Send those Picts to my email please. From last night
Ps thx for the porn on my phone
;) ur welcome
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
Randomize
