What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
Randomize
