It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
so let's talk penis.
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
Enjoy the penises
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
Randomize
