Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
We're talking about addictions in class and there's a girl 2 rows in front of me on Farmville. Hello, example.
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
Randomize
