Picture Ja Rule and 50 Cent having a sexy full grown love child son...He's on my bus right now, wearing an outside jacket with no shirt underneath. My fashion sense and libido are fighting it out.I'll keep you posted on who wins.
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
Randomize
