When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
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