Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
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