My first STD was from a foam party
He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
Randomize
