I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
Randomize
