8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
I'm really busy with my period
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