Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
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