when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
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I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
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My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
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