I can't breathe out the right side of my face
HELP! I am trapped in a douchebag ad... full of Affliction and Ed Hardy. Seriously? is he gonna leave his sunglasses on the entire 10 seconds of this encounter?
The brown eye won't let me do that either.
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize
