I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
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