I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
Dicks are not precious.
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
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