i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
Randomize
