U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
we're chasing vodka with high fives
Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
Randomize
