I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
When / where did the additional couches appear?
Additional?
James brought one with him when he showed up. Theres still 2 outside and according to facebook, at least one more burned up.
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
Randomize
