It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
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