I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
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I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
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our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
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