I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
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