i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
Randomize
