i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
I need to align my fucking chakras
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
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