Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
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