Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
Randomize
