so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
Randomize
