My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
Randomize
