I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
Randomize
