where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
Another day, another engagement, another cat
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
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