How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
I feel great
I just peed on a car
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
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