I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
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