He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
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