I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
did it hurt when the cum got in your eye
not so much hurt, more like a stinging sinsation like mouthwash
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
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