Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
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