Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
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