Please advise as to how precisely ashamed I should be if I just became sexually aroused by a Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince preview
But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
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