Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
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