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ok, stay where you are, be there soon
stupid gm bankruptcy made me miss the showcase showdown
Those cock suckers. We need to know who's winning the hot tub and the vacation to the alps
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
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