She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Randomize