Have you finally orgasmed yet?
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
Randomize
