I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
Randomize
