You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
Randomize
