after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
Randomize
