I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Randomize
