Oral text is very safe with the right protection.
I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
rhymes with "ouble enetration"
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
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