Once you see the odd facial expressions and noises a guy makes while he is furiously beating off on top of you, it kind of puts things into perspective.
my dad came in to wish me a happy birthday and found me passed out in my underwear with the lights on and a plate of meat on the bed. i bet he was proud to have contributed to my creation in that moment.
I look better un-naked...
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
Randomize
