maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Randomize
