Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
Randomize
