sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
Randomize
