the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
Randomize
