I was about to buy asher roth's album and then i realized he was a ginger. can't support
I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
Randomize
