I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
Randomize
