I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
my nose is crying tears of wow.
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
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