I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
Randomize
