best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
Randomize
