Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
I think we might need a safe word for this...
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
Randomize
