You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
Free body shot off of Sarah. Expires never.
You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
Did we literally take a cab across the street
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
Randomize
