cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
Randomize
