if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
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