You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
Randomize
