In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
We need a shit load of segways right now
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
Randomize
