Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
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I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
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Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
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