sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
Verdict: uncircumcised.
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
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