people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
The adults are the big ones right?
Randomize
