Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
Randomize
