there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
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