How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
scale of 1-10 how well do I give head
5, but i have never had a 10. best was an 8 so if i grade you on a curve you are a 7. ish.
Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
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Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
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