You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
Randomize
