we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
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