this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
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