just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
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