sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
Some milfs here doing some blow
Dad?
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
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