I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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