So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
Sext me about skeletons
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
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