Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
Randomize
