ugly people sure do ruin things
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
Randomize
