Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
Randomize
