i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
