she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
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