I hope mine doesn't look like that
Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
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